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The Adoption Option: Advice From Your Future Family Member (Part 2)

Editor's Note: Have you read Part 1 of "The Adoption Option: Advice From Your Future Family Member" yet? Get filled in on the first half of this great article, and then you're all set to read on!

Many terms our society uses when talking about adoption may seem harmless, but they can be devastating. Adoption is a highly emotional process, so most people involved are fairly sensitive. Some of the examples:  An infant or child is “given up” hands-2for adoption. Biological parents are referred to as “real parents”. Biological children of the adoptive parents are called “children of their own”.

All of these widely-used terms really downplay the importance of the family bond that has been formed by the adoption, and the worth of each individual. A child who hears their mother “gave them up” will automatically feel like it was somehow their fault, because they weren’t worth having.

An adoptive parent who has been there for all the night feedings, school trips and tough teenage years would likely be insulted to hear a biological parent called the “real mom”.  A young boy starts to feel his brother is somehow better than him, because he is not their dad’s “own son”.  I can almost guarantee that as an adoptive parent, you will hear these terms used – but please don’t fall into the trap of using them yourself. And make a habit of politely educating those who do.

Know your own family history, so you can share it with your adopted child. If a child is not given information to make them feel a part of something bigger, then they may start to feel disconnected. The more they know about their family, the more secure they will feel.  As much as possible, include the extended family in the child’s life. Surround them with the love and comfort of their people. Just like any other baby born into any other home, the wider the circle of love, the more secure that child will feel in who they are and what importance they hold.

Wishing you joy on your adoption journey!


Questions or comments about this touching topic? Feel free to comment below! 

Posted by Sharlene Schmidt in Parent, General ← Previous Post Next Post →

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